Conflict Resolution

What do you do when you encounter conflict? Are you a fight or flight person?

We have launched into a series of messages on Conflict Resolution at Monett Church of the Nazarene. As a leadership team, our board has been reading through a very insightful little book entitled, "Resolving Everyday Conflict" by Ken Sande.

I have been enlightened and a little awestruck at how our church may have underlying smoldering conflict that has not yet been addressed. I don't think that there is anything out of control, but just small and over looked.

What does Jesus have to say about conflict? Glad you asked.
Please read this little passage from Matthew 5 slowly and introspectively:

21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift."

If your conscience is bothered in the slightest over something that is undone in you over another person, please take time to take that before the Lord. It could be that the "small" matter is becoming quite large without you even knowing it.

Do you have a brother or sister in Christ that has something against you?

As a follower of Jesus, do what He says, "Go and be reconciled."

It is amazing how pride can keep us from taking even small steps toward resolution.

I think the line 'Father forgive them, for they know not what they do' should be our attitude toward forgiveness.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Eph 6:12 [NIV]

It isn't the person attacking you, or hurting your feelings, but it is quite possibly evil spirits trying to cause division in the body. When this is the case, it gives God glory to resolve the conflict biblically.

What should someone do if reconciliation is sought, but the other party does not want to reconcile?

I think we can forgive without being forgiven [by the other person].

I think it depends a lot on the circumstances surrounding the disagreement.

Some people aren't as quick to forgive, and some wounds take longer to heal. I think that sincerity might speed up the process, but some offenses are much harder to deal with. Showing that you are willing to be completely selfless in the relationship would probably be a good place to start.

Good thoughts, Weston. We are told in Scripture, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6.

Jesus' best work of reconciliation is found in Philippians 2. Jesus humbled Himself, giving up His rights to Godhood. He went all the way to the cross to show His willingness to reconcile us to the Father.

Did Jesus have any enemies when He was dying on the cross? Did Jesus reconcile with everyone?

rec·on·cile - /ˈrekənˌsīl/
Verb:

Restore friendly relations between: "she wanted to be reconciled with her father".
Cause to coexist in harmony; make or show to be compatible.

Based on these definitions, I would say that he was not reconciled. As I said before, I think that you can forgive someone, without being forgiven. But forgiveness isn't necessarily reconciliation. It is a good step toward it, but you can't force someone to 'coexist in harmony' with you.

That is why I think we have in holy writ this verse:

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18.

Offer of forgiveness extended, but not forced. Oh that we would all take His precious offer to be reconciled!